A stripper gave me a balloon
I went to a Neutral Milk Hotel concert and afterwards I went to a bar. After two margaritas and a patron shot I went into the bathroom and said “aye you want that dick sucked though” to a guy in restroom and he was “yeah you got some bitches” and I was like uuuuuhhh. And he was like ” aww nigga you gay” and then he proceeded to leave the bathroom and screamed ” the nigga in the bathroom is gay as fuck and he done smoked too much fucking weed (courtesy of a nice guy at the Neutral milk hotel concert)” and this created a really awkward moment for the couple I was talking to at the bar who probably thought I wanted to have a threesome. Then I left and went to the strip club. Oh yeah and someone stole my bike. Life.
just so you know…
I like how he cringes after she says that she’s his state senator. He’s like damn i’m about to lose my job.
i saw a homeless man masturbating today. my life is so eventful.